You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
