Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
