We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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