She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
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Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
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Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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