Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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