Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
