in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm getting married
To pizza
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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