He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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