Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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