I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Someone shattered a urinal.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Randomize
