Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
