You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
