That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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