Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
