I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
