i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I puked a lego.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
