is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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