You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
