alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
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he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
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