I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
