He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
