Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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