I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
