tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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