Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
please don't ironically join a cult
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