i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize