How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
