why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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