I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
