I wish I could teleport
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
