i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
