Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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