Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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