I am in a vortex of obligation.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Rumble strips road head = magical
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
