Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
