He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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