my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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