I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
