The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
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I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
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I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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