I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
