i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
