You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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