I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
