I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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