Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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