i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
