just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
