Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just google imaged poop.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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