I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
