After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
