If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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