I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
