He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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