weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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