Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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