I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
