I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I have demons in me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
