so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize