No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
