Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
