how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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