I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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