I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
