OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
