Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
