So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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