I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize