its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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