My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
