I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There are leaves in my underwear?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
