i just had sex bonerless
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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