Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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