I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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