I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
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