the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
